Chismógrafo
Esta es una colección de preguntas tontas que he contestado por espacio de dos años en una comunidad en la que participo, por eso están en inglés. Las respuestas no han sido alteradas a pesar del paso del tiempo. No estás escogidas o acomodadas de ninguna manera y representan aún más información inútil acerca de mí. Enjoy.
Some are charming, some are down-right annoying; but we’ve all got at least one. What is your weirdest habit?
I just cant sleep past 9 am; Im the epitome of a “morning person” but people call me hysteric freak. This annoying habit is also considered as a disastrous social issue when the morning in question is an “after party”, “after early morning sex session” or things known as “Sundays” and “Holidays”. I should be medicated. I have too many pictures of people sleeping. Is not fun.
What event in history would you like to travel back in time to experience?
The Beatles, Shea Stadium, August 15th, 1965. That in the photo would certainly be me; same glasses also… same amount of hysteria… more boob action, though…
What is the greatest invention of all time?
Let’s hear it for Braille Porn!!!!!!! Giving lots of joy to those who cannot see, making a better world for you and for me….
How will you make a living in the post-apocalyptic economy?
Considering the fact that there would only be good and sinless people left, I would definitely go into the holy toast market and innovate the concept of holy food as we know it!!
What do you propose as the viable energy source of the future?
Somebody MUST be able to turn baby-cry into some sort of electrical/heath usable power for all of us. That amount of energy cannot be overlooked or wasted. Besides, you know, babies are something we never ever gonna lack …
What Top 10 List are you most qualified to compile for new year?
Top 10 things that might lead you to suicide or porn stardom in less than a month (guaranteed!)
What does your nickname mean anyway?
My friends gave it to me because they say I’m into Puberty and want to open my own kindergarten. I’m not, I date mostly 17-20 yo’s. I should be Miss T(eenager) but, hey, It’s more shocking that way…
(I would love to insert a picture but can’t, people in it may not be 18 yet, sorry; check back in a few months)
You’ve decided to commit tax fraud! What will you spend all that money on instead?
So, am I already a criminal?
Move over, Im gonna kidnap him, then.
Im gonna be the kind soul that goes to hell staring at those EVIL eyes forever!Thank me when it’s done…
Where do you spend more time: the real world or the dream world?
I lost my naïve drama queen veins a couple of years ago and became a materialistic egomaniac selfish hedonistic rage-driven bipolar over excited hypersexual bitch so…. I guess I’m pretty down to earth, I’m real, yep.
What’s the craziest thing you’ve done to get the attention of someone you liked?
I once sent a love letter inside a fridge-sized box… nothing says I love you than a ginourmous useless box filled with confetti…
Eyes forward and no slouching! Who’s standing with you in your police line-up?
The Pussycat Dolls. They look suspicious, don’t they? They’re very probably guilty…
Today is someone’s birthday. What are you going to get them?
Bling Bling Kitty. Original P.I.M.P. Style. Very good taste, classy.
What are you very good at? tell us about the biggest reward for your efforts…
I’ve got attitude and killer moves. I look great in hat and sunglasses and I can wear as many bling as my body can handle. I’ve graduated of Hip Hop dance classes; just 3 years and 6 grades later. I am actually very good even If I always have to wear a bra. Society can kiss my a** and suck my *** from now on! Ho’s wanted!
We are judging you by what’s on your coffee table. What magazines or periodicals represent you and why?
On my table neither is coffee nor periodicals. There’s just a pile of cd’s where books should be and a can of a recently opened energy drink (light). I am a “listener”… that lacks storage space.
What is the scariest thing you’ve ever seen?
This man. He had a “parasite” “growing” “in his belly”…. Is gross, mind u…
What is your favorite karaoke song? Better yet, show us!
Mine is actually a duet with P. Diddy. I like to sing the part Keyshia Cole does for “Last Night” and I always win the “oddest song to karaoke to” contest. Oh, “Gasolina” by Daddy Yankee is another classic, only followed closely by Pat Benatar’s “Love is a Battlefield”.
What goes in your dream sandwich?
Me. Chocolate. Dita
Perfection. And very photogenic.
What can always be found in your fridge?
Not enough solids. I have a mostly liquid diet; lots of cold water, juices, energy drinks, low fat milk, iced tea, fruit. You could squeeze about 100 calories off my whole fridge If you try really hard…
Which of the Seven Deadly Sins do you embody?
Pride.I just cant get enough of myself. Please remember that I’m too sexy for my cat and my milkshake it’s better than yours… I, I, I, I, I…… I have about 660 photos of me… me, me, me….
On what do you spend too much money?
Bondage gear is awfully expensive. But, hey, I cant help it. It’s just so pretty!
Big Crunch or Endless Expansion: What is your theory on the fate of the universe?
Universe is overrated. Im totally waiting for the Earth to be invaded by some kick ass superior civilization that would swipe us away in no time. If that doesnt happen, being “eaten” by the sun is also gonna be fun. Mad dying stars are awesome. Im ok with the idea of human beings disappearing, Im not a fan at all.
What skeletons live in your closet?
Im out of the closet. I keep everybody that’s not inside mine… see, there’s no room.. and it’s dark and is not nice. COME OUT ALREADY!
Kim Jong-il has the bomb. How do you grab someone’s attention?
I cook an excellent Chow Mean!! Kim loves it!
If you could roll back one hour from your life, which hour would it be?
I would take that hour, split it in minutes and roll back my entire childhood with them: I would have 45 more minutes with my grandma and 15 to make right a lot of things that were prematurely fucked by me.
If you were in politics, what would your career ending scandal entail?
Somebody would actually see me dance hip hop, get me on tape and blackmail me. Oh, and I would likely appear snogging one of my barely legal dance classmates… and be lip-singing to some N.E.R.D tune…
As a mad scientist, what insane schemes would you concoct?
I would go ECOmad; my research would be conducted underground to prevent pollution and contamination and I would develop a new specie of ever-white grass to plant in the Sahara and make the land more reflective to the sun rays. I would definitely try to “cover the sun with a finger” and rebuilt the polar ices, obtain fast and cheap gasoline from garbage and every spinning class over the Earth would be a human energy powered cell. Also, let’s grow food on the ocean, land is overrated. Recycling is so nineties, genetic manipulation is today’s black.
What is the worst mistake you ever made?
I’ve failed and failed so so SO many times that I think the worst mistake is not regretting anything… Im good with mistakes, I’ve enjoyed the hell out of them and finally paid the consequences… The worst mistake of all maybe is being incapable of saying “Im sorry”…. well… it’s because IM NOT! =P to hell with it!
You vs Your Evil Twin: Who Wins?
She would win…. she loves chocolate and is way kinkier than me… has perfect brunette straight hair and never messes up the eyeliner, the fake eyelashes or the nail polish. She likes me because I praise her….
What is your signature move?
The autophoto im the queen of the world ruler of the mighty universe pose. I’ve TONS of evidence to prove it. Im an expert, please, dont try this at home
Other than the souls of small children, what do you collect?
I’ve got a wig collection to go with my costume and make up, filed under the same BIG collection. Also, the ever growing CD collection (a lot of those are signed). I collect piercings and failed relationships on a one-on-one basis so I’ve got as many piercings as broken heart issues…a lot…
What Jeopardy category would you dominate?
Obscure female ’80s pop songs starting with the letter M for $1000
What is the craziest thing you’ve done at the office?
I havent had sex on the office….I had it in the common bathroom for the whole floor. We were caught (Im kind of noisy) by one of Mary Kay’s ever-girly-posh executives.. I just wished she would have been in the mood to join… I’ve always wanted to rip all those f*kng pink business suits off!!
Also, I often use the Infocus to see movies… porn just once.
What awaits you and your crew in outer space? Adventures? Mishaps? Zero-g booty calls?
Barbarella!!! I wanna be on first row for a a striptease in zero gravity performed among cheaply-made and unconvincing special effects and 70’s settings…
What would your personal philanthropic organization hope to achieve?
I would devote my organization to prevent children trauma: Clowns Are Not Funny (CANF Worldwide) . Nobody dressed in never-matching-colors, with painted deformed faces, too fckng big clothes, hideous- cheap wigs and over sized shoes is funny, no, it’s not. There would be workshops for those suffering from stress and a permanent campaign to keep this horrible creature out of any kind of celebration, event or happening; we would spend millions in TV commercials and PR. No clowns would be near schools or kindergartens; no clowns should be allowed to handle children without the approval of parents and an informed psychiatrist. In the very SECOND a child burst into tears in presence of a clown, CANF should be informed and the clown would be removed. And remember, NEVER EVER FORGET: Clowns Are Not Funny..they’re scary and mean. Let’s free the world from them!
Welcome to the Global Economy! Please choose a gigantic international corporation to ally yourself with.
My goal as a supercompany would be to bring happiness and pleasure to the world so, I would team with Doc Johnson Enterprises (sex toys) and the pharmaceutical companies Merck (who registered the first patent for MDMA (Xtc)) and Pfizer (patented Viagra)… maybe later, for marketing purposes, I would buy Vivid video, as well…
This would lead the human race to a new era of knowledge and wisdom… or just closer to the Apocalypse.. whatever
Other than making sandwiches and masturbating, what interesting ways do you choose to burn calories?
Dance Dance Revolution!! Im getting better (very slowly) at this. Its an awesome way to burn calories, get sweaty and exercise your spatial coordination. Also, its impossible to be depressed, let yourself swing along the music… Isnt it FUN to dance you ass off, lungs off, and shame off?!Now that I think about this, every school with children ages 6 to 15 should have one DDR machine in campus, free, so the new generations can oxygenate their cells and put to rest other passive technologies…for a while…
What kind of things can ruin your weekend?
Illness, being broke, jail…. clowns… bad breath…
It’s not me, it’s you! How do you break up with someone?
I think this is a shitty question and cant imagine how to answer it more or less witty so I’m just gonna tell the truth. I have just finished a 3 y relationship: she is hot, unique, intense, weird, lovable and talented but is also a self destructive egomaniac bitch with a “thing” for one night stands. She calls it “a pathology I dont want to get rid of”…ok… so…. After months of crap, tears and pain, I decided that I loved her too much and that my therapy was going to pay off : I didnt want to implote whenever she wanted to, move wherever she wanted me to and lose me in the process because she thinks Im too “mature and grown up and need to loose a bit”. I didnt want to feel guilty nor to start hating her (I was on my way) so I packed her things (included her cat) and had a very cheerful conversation:
I think we must continue without one another, you know, grow, find things, be happy, feel free. It’s not a good moment for us but I love you and want to save all the good things we have in our hands before its too late…(insert a very long and passionate kiss here)
While we were talking she kept asking If I was on E, she freaked because I looked so happy and relieved…Now, I think she is right, im so fucking “mature” its disgusting… I would love to tell her she broke my heart and made me feel used and abused… that I cant forgive her and to go to hell!… I still love her but I havent cried, I think about her all the time but I havent called, I miss her like mad… shit, now I sound pathetic… *sigh*
What lies do you tell every day?
“it didnt hurt”, “i didnt hear it ringing”, “Im medicated”, “Im not lying, I swear!!”
So, tell me about your mother.
Dramaqueen, intrusive, extreme intelligence and clever identifying fake people… I call her by her name, never “mom”; I wish she knew she could have raised us happy without my dad, she rocks because never tried to change me (not even when it was a very good idea). She feeds my cats when im away, tells me whenever I see her that I look thinner and prettier and lets me cry without asking why…
What games do you like to play?
I’ve been a Scrabble obsessive player for 8 years and have won once… Im moving on to the XBox… so, Guitar Hero!
What do you want for your birthday?
I want to be a better person, wiser, tougher and stronger…but…
Also, I would love to have a fetish themed birthday party with lots of latex, rubber and whips. I want a stripper dressed as a tennis player lap dancing me and a whole night of meaningless animal dirty random fucking… is it too much to ask? Im almost 30!!!!
Why do your friends like you, and why do your enemies hate you?
My friends think Im great, my enemies KNOW FOR SURE that Im great and cant stand it!!!
If you could be best buddies with any famous person, so that you could call them at any time to chill, who would it be? And why?
Definitely; MARIO! We could go swimming, play tennis, dance, play doctor, go underground, chase ghosts, have fast car races, piss off Bowser, hang with the Peach Princess and eat a lot of red and green mushrooms!! He has to be the most fun imaginary bloke ever!!!!
If you controlled the weather, what would it look like outside today?
Sean Paul would be the soundtrack of the day, and there would be almost naked girls on mini bikinis walking on the streets, chasing their puppies and playing volleyball…. HOT SUMMER
What city would Hurricane You destroy?
Las Cruces, New Mexico… god, what an UGLY place….
If you were spending less time in front of your computer, and more time in tha streets, what would your street name be?
Probably something related to music…. like JRo… or Boo-sher. Nike’s dance personality test says Im Voluminous Boo… I dig it!
If you could have or do anything you wanted, but everyone would know all about it, what would it be?
I would have chosen to be a misunderstood leader… maybe of a cult or an environmental (but useless) cause… something that could be turned in a good movie script… with lots of characters, locations and guest stars….
What are your dreams like?
I often dream about rockstars… that are my closest friends, of course. It has happened since I was a child. The latest ones I can remember are: Depeche Mode (Dave Gahan was my cousin), REM, Smashing Pumpkins and Oasis (I rescued Noel Gallagher from a fire… wonder why…). I can recall Tori Amos flying as a fairy and Gwen Stefani lending me her cellphone…
Life is a sitcom. What is yours called?
Something like “Death By Chocolate” so the audience couldnt guess If its because its too sweet or too dark or too hot or too disgusting
